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We’ve all told our significant others that we ‘had a few’ when in actual fact we drank our body weight in alcohol, set ourselves on fire in a nightclub, then scaled a building to get through the bathroom window of drug dealer’s apartment to get our bag which we’d left in the lounge (yes, sadly that is one of the more tame situations I found myself in). But get ready to be more than just a little white liar; as a functional alcoholic you’ll wind up being a devious little shit…about EVERYTHING. How much you drank, where you have been, why you are missing your tie, what time of day it is, why you slept on the floor – you will lie about everything to avoid anyone questioning your drinking habits.
You’ll hide bottles around the house, you’ll have stashes in the garden, and the guy at the bottle shop will start eyeing you suspiciously when you return for your third bottle of wine that day, explaining you’re ‘having a party’ at 11am on a Monday morning. You’ll make excuses about the amount of money you are spending, you’ll call in sick to work, you’ll blabber to your partner about ‘being tired’ when your sexual organs stop working properly, your whole life will be a huge ball of lies and if you’re clever enough you’ll be able to maintain these lies for years however…
You know, before you start talking smack about Cracked, you might want to check the bottom of this page.
He didn't mention the crying, for any reason and at any time. If someone asked me how I was doing, I'd burst into tears. maybe he wanted to kill people; I wanted to cry. NOW I want to kill people.
Confabulat: He left out the mind-numbing, soul-crushing depression. You think breaking up with a girlfriend hurts bad? Ha, quitting alcohol is like leaving the love of your life. And worse, she's just staying right down the road and you can go pick her up anytime (except after 3 AM and on Sunday mornings).